Silver Lining

 

I may be frustrated by the pace of our move, but there is a silver lining—we can be more deliberate in our decisions. I haven’t even decided yet how to get our belongings 1700 miles from Santa Fe, New Mexico to Oaxaca, Mexico. The border is closed. We have to have a permanent visa first and it is taking far longer than expected, partly because Amy decided to get a new passport with the name she took after we married.  

Antique for sale

What moving company does this sort of trip? I haven’t gone into the details yet since we have extra time I had not planned on.

The house is furnished, so we could go there and wait for normal times 

to return. Meanwhile rent more storage space.

We have been giving away and selling belongings that had meaning in our lives. I gave to my daughter, who lives an hour away, two large sculpted marble vases I bought in Vietnam, and my beloved 40 year old jade plant. We sold a wonderful, hand carved totem figure Amy bought years ago. As I was driving it to the buyer, it was laying on its back in my van and I felt sacred energy in it and thought, why aren’t we taking this with us? 

Amy was going to sell a masterpiece wood carving made by a Hopi artist. I put my foot down and said, no, that comes with us. But, yes, we are selling eight finely engraved holiday dinner plates (she is keeping three of her favorites.)

It goes like this every day. Fortunately we are getting much done before frigid weather strikes.

Mask from Venice, (has sentimental value to me).

But we know it is coming and we will have to move then.

A Gift

It feels as though I am on auto pilot; that is, going forward but not driving. I am surprised that nothing particularly excites me and I am not impelled by strong inner urges. As if I am in hibernation and though winter is ending, a sign hangs outside my den that says, “do not disturb.” I wonder at the reasons, which are many, and because I feel uncomfortable in what seems to be a malaise of sorrow, I try and “heal”.

Without inspiration, I wait. I fear I am losing time doing nothing. Yet, I have always resisted dogmatic action, so perhaps a gift is being given to me—even though I feel it is a plague.


All this points to transformation. Thankfully, being an artist and philosopher, I know a bigger hand is active in creating my life. Every great work of art includes shadow. Novels and paintings both need dark elements to play against the light.

Heal Into Love

During the present time of intense personal transition, soul searching often brings me to sudden flashes of thought that I want to keep for further processing. My mind is like a pond full of colorful fish, and I grab the brightest ones to keep. At any moment, I am in the habit of tearing up bits of paper and writing the words out, then leaving the scraps around in obvious sight. Good thing I am single now, this might drive a companion crazy. 

But it is because of suddenly being single that so much thinking is occurring. It feels good, coming into complete ownership of my life and understanding my path. Here are some thoughts I have collected on my scraps of notes:

Life experience = body. Bless this body, amen.

The universe is shifting everything in my favor.

He carried His cross to His own martyrdom.

All the weak and diseased leaves and branches are falling off the strong tree.

Does my ego identify with sufferer? (Poor me!) Let that go and become properly identified.

What is my experience? How is it accessed? Do I attach emotions? Keep everything blessed in the present. Do not imagine, just keep blessing from present time. Awake sleeper!

HEAL INTO LOVE. Be bound to nothing else.

Bless my entire life . . . I hold it, honor all experience and go forward with joy.

Consciously call Higher Powers—Spirit to enter memories and records of life—to heal loss through generations—especially mother.

Be one with the essence of life. Bring awareness and thought there—not elsewhere.

Go out in the world—homeless and free. Meet someone each day who is worth telling about—share, make a book, YouTube etc.

My life is not separate events but a fabric woven of Spirit.

Pull together. Constrain. Pull stomach in and hold power. Tighten buns. Hold power.

Weak souls are aware of emptiness that they seek to fill with material things and satisfactions. This is short term relief. More intense craving follows.

Desire is self-flagellation.