Sunday, December 02, 2007

Grand Confusion


For the first time in 22 years I am single again. I pinch myself and realize that basically, I am the same. My values have not changed, I look the same, my voice is recognizable, and my studio phone rings as always. What are different are my obligations. I am not obliged by marriage. I feel freedom by being released, and also, my aloneness. Thinking about it, I realize for many in marriage, the obligation is a sweet imprisonment.
Jean came to my studio and got the divorce papers. We talked and as she was about to go, she looked at me and said “We are now officially ex’s.” We hugged, and as she turned to go, she cried a little. At least we are still deep friends. Certainly, there are many days ahead to celebrate together the good between us, and share it with the world.
I have been mentioning to friends that soon I will be selling my possessions and leaving to travel. Many fine discussions have ensued. The other day, voices from the spirit world added their note. When I awoke, I recalled a sentence I had just heard: “The vessel he entered was a grand confusion between his world, and the world outside him.” As it is with messages from the other world, these words, strewn together seemingly randomly, are powerful, mysterious, poetic, and also a puzzle. A vessel can be different things, like a blood vessel, but I take it to mean a ship, or large boat. Anyway it is a container for transport; something that allows for traveling. So, the transport is a grand confusion between inner and outer world. Thankfully, the word “grand” describes confusion. Grand can mean many things, but is quite positive in every respect. Synonyms are: impressive, fantastic, wonderful, enjoyable and memorable. Confusion has other connotations that are mildly negative. Like the state of being confused or perplexed. A chaotic or disordered state. Not thinking clearly or else unable to distinguish between people or things. The fact that the word “grand” comes before “confusion,” shifts the confusion positively. Also the vessel the person is entering is a grand confusion between the inner world and the outer. I like that, because it means the boundaries are falling into nothingness. What a crazy boat to embark in!
Readers, if you have any other thoughts on this dream sentence, please comment.

5 comments:

MLGilbert said...

“The vessel he entered was a grand confusion between his world, and the world outside him.”

Perhaps the vessel is the body for your spirit and you are in a state of confusion concerning your inner and outer reality.

Just a thought.
MLGilbert

Steven Boone said...

Mary: What is our inner reality, and how is it different from spirit? What is spirit? Thanks.

Xpress said...

Mary wrote back, but had trouble posting, so here is her comment:"I think spirit is our essence and eternal. Our inner reality is how we feel about our self. Am I happy, am I sad kind of things. Our outer reality is the physical world. I know many of us think, if only I were there or doing such and such I would be happy. In actuality we carry our attitude with us."

Mary: Perhaps my dream is saying there is not necessarily always distinction between our inner and outer world. Steven

Tom said...

Steven, here is my take: The inner soul enters into relationship with THIS tangible "knowable" world when we are born. As we mature, we delevop something commonly called RESPONSIBILITY. Our Ability-To-Respond to this reality is part of growing up. Its a learned behavior which is critical to enjoying a full adult life. To the degree we dodge or don't develop our response abilities we will find ourselves confused and adrift unable to truly participate. Don't get so caught up in the drama of either of these mysterious sides of the innner/outer coin. Here you are on "this side" born into the mundane earth-bound community of potential loved ones. Much fullfillment is found in developing a set of RESPONSE ABILITIES that give more than they take. You'll know when you've developed those earth-bound responses because the cosmic questions move WAY to the background as the soul is fullfilled with loving/response-able participation. Its all right here on this tangible playingfield. Look no further. These questions you are holding so dear will follow you to what ever continent you visit. Perhaps whatever is holding you back in your current zip code won't. As noble as it may seem to search as wide as the universe . . . such a broad search for meaning seems futile and more like a cry for "HELP". This response to you is not meant to be disrespeful. I recognize your angst (I'm human too!). I just didn't want to ignore what I hear as "help" and not let you know I do care about you. Wishing you clarity and peace my friend. With love, Tom T.

Xpress said...

Thank you Tom. I agree with you and enjoy your take on "inner" and "outer." Thanks too for voicing your concern. I guess I should stop using the term "homeless." It's just that I will have a PO Box instead of street address. I won't be scrounging around. I feel it is my responsibility to know the earth, and wherever I am I can serve people. Walt Whitman had to experience many things before he could write Leaves of Grass. Now humanity has it as treasured legacy that he left us.
THANKS FOR CARING.