Autumn days

Sunday, October 1, 2006
These autumn days are gorgeous. Nature everywhere proclaims, “Look at me, look at me!” The air too, has been perfect, with days starting cool and brisk, then steadily warming to balmy temperatures. Thanks to a wetter than usual summer, flowering plants are everywhere, especially in complimentary colors of yellows and purples. Wild grasses are turning to russet tones and in the mountains whole slopes of aspen trees are shimmering their golden leaves. The landscape painters are in heaven.
I have been seeing Jean—yesterday I worked at the house, stayed for dinner, and then we went to a movie. When we parted around 10:00 PM, we hugged and kissed good-bye. Later that evening, she sent me an E-mail expressing her happiness and affection. I replied likewise. Tomorrow, we will hike in the Aspen covered mountains.
I like being with Jean, and also feel awkward, realizing we are separated. In the old days, we would hold hands and kiss. Now I am uncertain of our future, and for the time being have an invisible boundary not to cross. This quandary has for the most part upset my life, and I find myself struggling to be independent, but also guided to the highest good.